Short: Night of the Hell Hamsters (2006)

Directed by Paul Campion

Synopsis
It’s a dark and stormy night. Karl shows up to visit his babysitter girlfriend Julie on the job, slyly forgetting to bring the Ouija board she asked for, muttering something like, “Maybe you can play with me instead, gyuh hyuh hyuh.” Suggestive eyebrows. Unimpressed, Julie makes due with a toddler’s alphabet game and a shot glass. Even though she’s a fan of horror movies, and one would presume that she knows better, nothing bad could possibly happen, right? Well, no. In going along with his lady friend’s ill-advised divination to maybe score sex, Karl calls out to the made-up name Spozgar. Unbelievably, an evil spirit named Spozgar exists, and decides to possess the pet hamsters, morphing them into an evil pair of testicle-biting beasties! Can Julie, her beau and the baby they seemingly couldn’t give two fucks about that’s never shown onscreen survive the Night of the Hell Hamsters?

Review (SPOILERS)
My neighbors had a hamster growing up. Its name was MC Hamster. When Hamtaro became a thing, they renamed it Hamtaro. Then, some time later, it ate glass and died.

Right.

At sixteen minutes, this joint UK/New Zealand production will leave you wanting more. Why? First, it’s fairly hilares, not only in execution, but simply the premise alone. C’mon. Killer hamsters? Horror designed to exploit the public’s (mostly) irrational fear of rodents is nothing new — shrews in The Killer Shrews, rabbits in Night of the Lepus, rats in Willard, Of Unknown Origin, the Italian-made Rats: Night of Terror and probably a dozen others — but something about the mere thought of possessed hamsters makes me chuckle. Normally, they’re so cute and helpless. I mean, do hamsters even exist in the wild? I feel like they’d die on their own without people folk to refill their water bottles.

‘Tis also well-made for a low-budget flick. Well, the hamsters look cheap, but that strikes me as more of a conscious decision to play up the tongue-in-cheek factor than a lack of effort. The set-up is great, the showdown is great, but this one cliffhangs right as it gets going. Hell Hamsters‘ only real downside is its length. I wish it was longer.

Again, Hamster’s strongest facet is humor, hands down, though it sports enough of the red to please you violence mongers, as well. In one scene, the first of these cat toy-quality fuzzballs scurries up Karl’s pant leg and viciously bites his nuts, chittering all the while like one of those Crites from the Critters series as pints of dick blood shoot from his fly. In probably the film’s most comic exchange, the other Hell Hamster levitates up to our heroine’s face on a clearly-visible wire to squeak its best Regan MacNeil impression, sans the split pea soup: “Your boyfriend sucks cocks in Hell!” D’aaawww, that’s just gosh-darned adorable. How can you not want to watch this? Click here for the Vimeo link.

Hell Hamster 1

Hell Hamster 2

Hell Hamster 3

Hell Hamster 4

A Few Questions
Julie wasn’t the least bit weirded out when the hamster cage rumbled and flashed those bright lights?
Why don’t we ever see the baby she’s quote unquote babysitting?

The Verdict
Vimeo it.

Recommendations
Critters (1986)
The Exorcist (1973)

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7 Responses to “Short: Night of the Hell Hamsters (2006)”

  1. Xenolicker Says:

    Never underestimate a hamster…

    Like

two cents here

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